Testing my skills. Or lack of.

Azteca soup!

Let's see if it worked...

Dont get me wrong..

With my previous post. I am madly in love! With the most irritating human being on the planet. :)

Anyway, today is dragging on.. I have a pile of clothes the size of Mt. Fiji I still need to fold. Not to mention at least cleaning the kitchen and making dinner. I finally bought a new blender, another cheap ass blender.. but it blends! I'm feeling a bit inspired by it. (My life can be boring..) I'm hoping to make a new soup. I think Honey hates when I make soup. It's not enough food. I say, oh well!

I don't know how to place a link in my post.. I'm still new to all this. On allrecipes.com (I always use recipes there.) I think I'll try the azteca soup. ;)

LauReN~

Love.

We've all heard this a million times but it's the damn truth..

You have to love and respect yourself before you can ever truly love and respect another person..

If you aren't in that place in your life. If you're following a self destructive path leave the innocent alone.

You will drag the unfortunate people who love you down into your dark emotional hell and leave them to suffer. To suffer you. You're selfish but no need to be cruel.

You may feel like you have nothing to lose..

Your nothing is my everything.

LauReN~

I dont like Valentine's Day.

Not for the obvious reasons like I've been unlucky in love or I've never really been swept off my feet, although those are true. I've never had one of those memorable romantic v-day's.

I don't like it because 10 years ago today I buried my father. Every Valentine's Day after I would just be reminded of that. Most girls are opening gifts that sparkle while I was placing my daddy 6 feet under. Kind of a lot for a 16 year old girl to take in. I remember my highschool boyfriend taking me out to dinner that night (I wanted to go.. get out!) And I couldn't eat. All I could smell was embalming fluid. Not to be morbid.

I don't get overwhelmed by these things anymore but I do get a little sad. Naturally... This year I'm more concerned about how I'm going to tell my 6 year old that his turtle died. Hopefully, he doesn't notice and I can tell him tomorrow...

LauReN~

The village idiot.

It only takes one asshole to ruin it for everyone.

We we're supposed to go to our nephew's birthday dinner. That asshole that was supposed to be "working" showed up drunk. He gave me a cd (normally, I would be excited. I <3 the cure..) and told me happy early Thanksgiving.... I think he meant valentine's day but whatever.

We weren't getting in the vehicle with him. I refuse to drive that demon truck so guess what.. we're no shows. It kinda makes me look like an asshole too..

*ONE STUPID AND SELFISH ACT CAN HURT AND DISAPPOINT ALOT OF PEOPLE.*

This is the kind of shit I'm tired of dealing with..

LauReN~

Typical.

After all this feuding with these people.. WHY DO I ALWAYS FEEL SORRY!!?? I don't think I did or said anything wrong. I think their actions are well, fucked up.. Yet, here I am. All freakin' sorry and sad.

I ALWAYS DO THIS! Get all worked up and pissed off but a day later I'm a limp noodle.. Where's all that back bone now!? I spent a lot of years sort of raising them.. This feels like my own children stabbing me in the back, heart, spleen.. (something I should probably get used to.. )

I don't know.

I'm not giving in.

*Lesson* be careful how you treat the ones who are really there for you. The ones who really love you. They aren't gonna be around forever..

And when you treat me like shit don't expected to be treated any better. It doesn't matter who you are. ;)

LauReN~

What's a family?

Well, it is what it is. Every family is different. Some are relatively happy with only minor disagreements here and there. There are the ones who look way too perfect.. you know they're hiding some deep dark secret. There are families that absolutely hate eachother. Then there are ones, like mine, where we do love eachother but the dysfunction runs so deep.. You can't ignore it. Even when you want to.

I've been spending way too much time at my mothers' house. Enough time to remind me of why I was so desperate to get out all those years.

I have two younger sisters. E who is 16, still living with my Mom and K, she's 20. She recently moved out and has an apartment with her boyfriend.

Anyway, K and boyfriend have been struggling lately. They've needed some help getting food. No big deal. I need help with that sometimes. Since Alex lost his high paying job we've been really struggling as well. Its not like I don't understand. What I didn't like is that K was having E ask my Mom for extra money or food and E would be a total bitch about it. My mother was getting so upset because, honestly, she doesn't have much to give. We're all in the same boat here. The poor one.
E wouldn't ask, she would tell. "Hey Mom give me K's food I'm leaving." Or, "Give me the money so I can take it to her!" My mom's reply, "I just don't have it." This would turn into a fight. My Mom gave in. E is such a rude and disrespectful little shit. The point is she was making my Mom feel sad and guilty. I didn't like this.

I'm guessing this is where the fight started.. I told my Mom, "What the hell!? Here you are struggling to eat yourself... You only do what you can. Remember, you have another daughter you have to feed first. You need to think about that." Of course, I couldn't stop there. "I don't like how she keeps telling E to harrass you about it. If she needs help, if she wants something, she should come over here and ask you herself. " E had entered the room by then. I should have shut up. No, I repeated, " E you shouldn't be going over there every night taking her food, she should be coming here."

Then I when on to talk about how if they're having such a hard time feeding themselves they shouldn't be going out to eat all the time when they do have money.. we were discussion whether or not K's boyfriend can legally work. (He's on a student visa) blah, blah, blah...

Well, I should have known to keep my fucking mouth shut around E. The first thing she does is get on the phone, facebook, I'm sure. Telling K everything I said. Its fine because I stand by it. The thing is that E has a problem. She lies. She exaggerates. So, I'm 100% sure after she was done telling her what I really did say she went on the tell her things I didn't. That's what I call sisterly love..

My fault. I should have known better. E is a nasty backstabbing #*!@=Π… Fill that in with whatever you see fit.

K came busting through the door.. Refusing to speak to me. I tried to say hi and got the ugliest reaction! Right then, I knew. I heard her whispering to my mom about me. It sucked. I still don't think I was wrong but I have no clue what made up things she was told I said so, whatever.

She took off.

A while later I was checking my facebook. The demon.  K posted a status. I know was directed toward me. I'm not quoting it directly. Just from memory. " You wanna talk shit about my life, its cool! You can kiss my ass when I'm at the finish line." Now I know there was something else in the middle. I've already forgotten. I played along with her. Liked it and gave her a ";D"

After reading that I asked my mom what K had said about me. For some stupid reason mother thought I was accusing her of talking shit about me... I guess this worked in number favor, kind of, she immediately started spilling her guts. (They're exactly the same, all 3 of them) "At least I pay my bills.".... "At least I have a fucking diploma!" A few other things that wrench at my heart too badly to repeat.

Now, I have a HS diploma. She's making fun of Alex, who doesn't. He comes from a different place in life. He grew up in Mexico. Its as simple as this.. he quit school to work. That's where I leave it.

A misunderstanding, of sorts, was all it took for her to say what she really thinks. As of now, its unforgivable.

I'm sad. We were so close. Too close. I am too old for this shit. Until she can get her head out of her ass, I'm just going to stay away.

Don't think E is off the hook. I don't need to say anything to her. She knows. This is how I see it.. If that's the type of person she is, someone else will take care of it. She's gonna piss off the wrong person.. she's got it coming.

Love them.. no one says you have to like them.

LauReN~