Testing my skills. Or lack of.

Azteca soup!

Let's see if it worked...

Dont get me wrong..

With my previous post. I am madly in love! With the most irritating human being on the planet. :)

Anyway, today is dragging on.. I have a pile of clothes the size of Mt. Fiji I still need to fold. Not to mention at least cleaning the kitchen and making dinner. I finally bought a new blender, another cheap ass blender.. but it blends! I'm feeling a bit inspired by it. (My life can be boring..) I'm hoping to make a new soup. I think Honey hates when I make soup. It's not enough food. I say, oh well!

I don't know how to place a link in my post.. I'm still new to all this. On allrecipes.com (I always use recipes there.) I think I'll try the azteca soup. ;)

LauReN~

Love.

We've all heard this a million times but it's the damn truth..

You have to love and respect yourself before you can ever truly love and respect another person..

If you aren't in that place in your life. If you're following a self destructive path leave the innocent alone.

You will drag the unfortunate people who love you down into your dark emotional hell and leave them to suffer. To suffer you. You're selfish but no need to be cruel.

You may feel like you have nothing to lose..

Your nothing is my everything.

LauReN~

I dont like Valentine's Day.

Not for the obvious reasons like I've been unlucky in love or I've never really been swept off my feet, although those are true. I've never had one of those memorable romantic v-day's.

I don't like it because 10 years ago today I buried my father. Every Valentine's Day after I would just be reminded of that. Most girls are opening gifts that sparkle while I was placing my daddy 6 feet under. Kind of a lot for a 16 year old girl to take in. I remember my highschool boyfriend taking me out to dinner that night (I wanted to go.. get out!) And I couldn't eat. All I could smell was embalming fluid. Not to be morbid.

I don't get overwhelmed by these things anymore but I do get a little sad. Naturally... This year I'm more concerned about how I'm going to tell my 6 year old that his turtle died. Hopefully, he doesn't notice and I can tell him tomorrow...

LauReN~

The village idiot.

It only takes one asshole to ruin it for everyone.

We we're supposed to go to our nephew's birthday dinner. That asshole that was supposed to be "working" showed up drunk. He gave me a cd (normally, I would be excited. I <3 the cure..) and told me happy early Thanksgiving.... I think he meant valentine's day but whatever.

We weren't getting in the vehicle with him. I refuse to drive that demon truck so guess what.. we're no shows. It kinda makes me look like an asshole too..

*ONE STUPID AND SELFISH ACT CAN HURT AND DISAPPOINT ALOT OF PEOPLE.*

This is the kind of shit I'm tired of dealing with..

LauReN~

Typical.

After all this feuding with these people.. WHY DO I ALWAYS FEEL SORRY!!?? I don't think I did or said anything wrong. I think their actions are well, fucked up.. Yet, here I am. All freakin' sorry and sad.

I ALWAYS DO THIS! Get all worked up and pissed off but a day later I'm a limp noodle.. Where's all that back bone now!? I spent a lot of years sort of raising them.. This feels like my own children stabbing me in the back, heart, spleen.. (something I should probably get used to.. )

I don't know.

I'm not giving in.

*Lesson* be careful how you treat the ones who are really there for you. The ones who really love you. They aren't gonna be around forever..

And when you treat me like shit don't expected to be treated any better. It doesn't matter who you are. ;)

LauReN~

What's a family?

Well, it is what it is. Every family is different. Some are relatively happy with only minor disagreements here and there. There are the ones who look way too perfect.. you know they're hiding some deep dark secret. There are families that absolutely hate eachother. Then there are ones, like mine, where we do love eachother but the dysfunction runs so deep.. You can't ignore it. Even when you want to.

I've been spending way too much time at my mothers' house. Enough time to remind me of why I was so desperate to get out all those years.

I have two younger sisters. E who is 16, still living with my Mom and K, she's 20. She recently moved out and has an apartment with her boyfriend.

Anyway, K and boyfriend have been struggling lately. They've needed some help getting food. No big deal. I need help with that sometimes. Since Alex lost his high paying job we've been really struggling as well. Its not like I don't understand. What I didn't like is that K was having E ask my Mom for extra money or food and E would be a total bitch about it. My mother was getting so upset because, honestly, she doesn't have much to give. We're all in the same boat here. The poor one.
E wouldn't ask, she would tell. "Hey Mom give me K's food I'm leaving." Or, "Give me the money so I can take it to her!" My mom's reply, "I just don't have it." This would turn into a fight. My Mom gave in. E is such a rude and disrespectful little shit. The point is she was making my Mom feel sad and guilty. I didn't like this.

I'm guessing this is where the fight started.. I told my Mom, "What the hell!? Here you are struggling to eat yourself... You only do what you can. Remember, you have another daughter you have to feed first. You need to think about that." Of course, I couldn't stop there. "I don't like how she keeps telling E to harrass you about it. If she needs help, if she wants something, she should come over here and ask you herself. " E had entered the room by then. I should have shut up. No, I repeated, " E you shouldn't be going over there every night taking her food, she should be coming here."

Then I when on to talk about how if they're having such a hard time feeding themselves they shouldn't be going out to eat all the time when they do have money.. we were discussion whether or not K's boyfriend can legally work. (He's on a student visa) blah, blah, blah...

Well, I should have known to keep my fucking mouth shut around E. The first thing she does is get on the phone, facebook, I'm sure. Telling K everything I said. Its fine because I stand by it. The thing is that E has a problem. She lies. She exaggerates. So, I'm 100% sure after she was done telling her what I really did say she went on the tell her things I didn't. That's what I call sisterly love..

My fault. I should have known better. E is a nasty backstabbing #*!@=Π… Fill that in with whatever you see fit.

K came busting through the door.. Refusing to speak to me. I tried to say hi and got the ugliest reaction! Right then, I knew. I heard her whispering to my mom about me. It sucked. I still don't think I was wrong but I have no clue what made up things she was told I said so, whatever.

She took off.

A while later I was checking my facebook. The demon.  K posted a status. I know was directed toward me. I'm not quoting it directly. Just from memory. " You wanna talk shit about my life, its cool! You can kiss my ass when I'm at the finish line." Now I know there was something else in the middle. I've already forgotten. I played along with her. Liked it and gave her a ";D"

After reading that I asked my mom what K had said about me. For some stupid reason mother thought I was accusing her of talking shit about me... I guess this worked in number favor, kind of, she immediately started spilling her guts. (They're exactly the same, all 3 of them) "At least I pay my bills.".... "At least I have a fucking diploma!" A few other things that wrench at my heart too badly to repeat.

Now, I have a HS diploma. She's making fun of Alex, who doesn't. He comes from a different place in life. He grew up in Mexico. Its as simple as this.. he quit school to work. That's where I leave it.

A misunderstanding, of sorts, was all it took for her to say what she really thinks. As of now, its unforgivable.

I'm sad. We were so close. Too close. I am too old for this shit. Until she can get her head out of her ass, I'm just going to stay away.

Don't think E is off the hook. I don't need to say anything to her. She knows. This is how I see it.. If that's the type of person she is, someone else will take care of it. She's gonna piss off the wrong person.. she's got it coming.

Love them.. no one says you have to like them.

LauReN~

Sick kids, toothache, and whatever the hell else.

I'm holed up at my mother's house. Our electricity is off. Its been a while since that happened. We were supposed to pay it yesterday but with the shocking out come of our tax return we actually forgot. Going home last night wasn't a good idea since my fucking car is dead and broken and the kids had to go back to the doctor.. again.. I stayed here, in walking distance to the pediatrician.. just to realize that A's insurance card expired 3 days ago!!! I filled out the paperwork.. Why I didn't get the new one??? I'm not sure.

I can be disorganized. I admit it.

I spent most of the day dying, yes DYING!!! In pain. A miserable toothache. More like a whole face, I wanna claw this tooth out of my skull, kind of torture. Its temporarily over.

About the time my death pain was calming down we were back at our house, collecting supplies, in the dark. As my luck would have it my in-laws show up.. to our dark and dirty house!!!! I was embarrased. Beyond words. She was bringing new clothes for the kids.. they didn't just leave. No, they wanted to hang around.. They ended up kidnapping one of my babies. (Little break!) I miss him..

So, here I am. I wanna go home. Even if its pitch black.

LauReN~

Little M.

Not so super SUPERBOWL..

Yesterday was big Alex's first day off in a couple weeks!  Instead of staying home catching up on cleaning or something we packed up our kids and headed to my mom's to watch the SUPERBOWL.

I'm not a football fan. I could go my whole life never watching it again and be fine. Alex doesn't watch football either. (How lucky am I!?) But its the SUPERBOWL.. A perfect excuse to BBQ and drink beer. That's my favorite part! I hadn't seen my sisters in weeks so i was happy to go.

Time Warner Cable is having some kind of dispute with a couple channels. This happens once a year. Then the remove those channels from their cable until they sort it out. This year it was NBC, CW, and fox.

Incase you didn't notice.. I listed that channel showing the freakin' football game..

Time Warner was giving its customers an antenna in hopes we could "pick up" the game.  Now, I'm sure it worked for some people but after an hour of fucking around with it WE GAVE UP! We watched a movie. Still had some BBQ and drank some beer.  I suffered no great loses! Lol.

I can't help but think about the poor people who did care. Couldn't watch it and are pissed!!! I'm glad I'm not working for Time Warner. Sorting through all that hate mail! That's all.

LauReN~

Since I have a moment..

I'd like to tell you why, out of all things, I've named this blog.. my blog.. get over it. This is a phrase I hear in my head all day. Sometimes its in a situation where M has taken his 5th poo in an hour and I'm not stoked.. I dislike diaper changing but I love my baby. So what do I do? Get the fuck over it, hold your nose and expect it to happen 1,000,000 more times.. stupid crap like I didn't wanna do the dishes. So I didn't. I felt guilty and lazy. The lazy part kills me. I don't wanna seem lazy. I simply tell myself either get up and do it or let it go.. a nicer way of saying it. Lol. Then there are more serious things, things I'm completely stuck under. Willing myself to please just get over it.. find the strength to get passed it and move on with your life! Its much harder than I thought. Dealing with the difficulty of parenting.. relationships rotting and wondering if they were ever really there.. losses, devastating ones.. money.. infedelity.. depression.. my list of baggage goes on and on. I could write a fucking novel. Not what I wanna do. What I wanna do is get over it. All of it. Get the negative bs out of my life because its been dragging me down for too long. I'm here to vent. I'm here to make fun. Have fun!  And to release every negative fiber in my soul by expressing it. Not hidden under lock and key so its still only me who knows. I've been so lost lately. I don't feel like I exsist outside of bottles and cartoons. I'm using this blog as therapy. To fix myself and get over it. Gn!

LauReN~

So it starts..

I've been reading blogs for years. All kinds, from silly to total tragedies. It seems to satisfy my nosy, scratch that, nosy is an awful way to put it.. I'm curious. About people. How they live, what they do, their likes and dislikes. It can be fascinating in the simplest way. I like to people watch I guess.. know them from afar. Probably because I have trouble bonding or creating new friendships.. I'm stuck too far inside myself. I'm sure all that will come out at some point. If I can manage to keep this up. *fingers crossed!* I'm getting off track. I would say I've been writing since I was a kid. Journals, stories, whatever. Dreaming up other lives in other places. But never in the open. Where it would be acceptable for complete strangers to take a peak inside my soul. Learn my secrets. They've always been secrets. My thoughts, I mean.. I could never quite say them out loud, it would always come out all wrong. I don't know who might ever come across this blog and read it.. it could be a thousand people or maybe no-one will discover me at all! We'll see.. I am a 26 yr old stay at home Mom. I have 3 radiant little boys. A is my first, he's 6. O and M came in a package deal. My 9 month old twins. My life is chaotic but boring. Those boys are my universe! Then I have my boyfriend.. 3+ years of interesting. I'll get there one day but for now.. its dinner time!